After giving you lot 10 places to avoid for your holidays, I think it only fair that I tell you the top ten places to visit.  And, I’m assuming you want to go on holiday, not stay here on planet Earth in the modern era, right?  You can go to France any old day and visit Scarlioni’s mansion or see the Mona “It’s a fake” Lisa, in the Louvre.  That’s not a holiday!  What you need is…

The Top Ten Best Vacation Spots in the Universe

10)   Sometimes, we all just need a bit of R&R; a chance to relax without any itinerary or schedules to keep.  Mutter’s Spiral and the Eighth Galaxy both offer some great opportunities to fish for gumblejacks.  If you’re especially lucky, like the Sixth Doctor was in The Two Doctors, you’ve got a gorgeous friend who wants to hang out with you whist time meanders by and the odd gumblejack leaps into your net.  Nothing offers a chance for good conversation and relaxation like fishing for Gumblejacks.  And they are tasty, to boot! (Be sure to check local wildlife charts for seasonal information on the gumblejack.)

9) One might think the planet Argolis, famed as a planet dedicated to leisure is a good stopping point, but the Argolans have had wars for hundreds of years making it far from an ideal vacation spot.  But The Leisure Hive does illustrate one thing: for more relaxation, life’s a beach at the beach (unless you’re a metal dog.)  The Doctor was also known to enjoy the beach when he found himself on one in The Enemy of the World, stripping down to his leotards and running gleefully into the waves.  Whether making sand castles, lounging on recliners, or swimming, any beach can be a fun place to visit.  Just watch out for Sea Devils, which periodically visit the beach for their holidays, too.

8) Again, looking for sheer relaxation, you might want to try the Eye of Orion, the most soothing place in the universe courtesy of some high ion bombardment.  Featured in The Five Doctors, this is the place to go for some outdoor strolling or for sketching the local ruins.  Looks a bit like Ireland but without the rain.  Walk the trails laid out by countless Time Lords before they retired to Earth, as all old Time Lords do.  Presumably the streams are crisp and clean so water is abundant, but there’s not a lot to do there once you arrive.  Pack up a sleeping bag and tent or sleep out under the stars looking out at the Earth from Orion’s Eye.   (Or see if you can spot his belt from that angle; we all do!)

7) When one needs a bit more excitement, one can always visit the Psychic Circus.  Clowns will thrill the audience with dazzling magic tricks!  Explorers will regale us with times of pomposity and adventure.  Come see the freakshow with the werewolf of freakishly long teeth and brilliantly yellow eyes!  Gaze into the Pit of Lovecraft, where ancient beings from before the dawn of time roam.  Perform in the three ring circus of Ragnarok and be a part of the show.  You’ll be utterly mesmerized by the rap songs that tell us exactly what’s going on all the time, so we never miss a beat.  In short, enjoy a visit to The Greatest Show in the Galaxy!  (Special Note: if you meet the local Whizz Kid, point a finger and laugh; fandom has come a long way since then!)

6)  Fans of Sherlock Holmes, take heed:  Victorian London and its fog-shrouded streets can be yours for the taking in The Talons of Weng Chiang!  Murder Mystery tours are a must.  Explore the sewers and play the part of the Dread Pirate Roberts as you fight those exciting rodents of unusual size (ROUS’s).  Thrill to marvelous magic acts at the Palace Theater.  Be vexed by the voice of a ventriloquist and perplexed by puppets from Peking!  Stop by the morgue to see Professor Litefoot in action or go behind the scenes to see the inner workings of the theater with its proprietor Henry Gordon Jago.  Visit Mrs. Hudson’s and enjoy a tasty leg of lamb.  Don’t forget to tell her George sent you…

5) While you’re traveling the time lines in search of a good mystery, might as well enjoy a garden party with the biggest name in mystery writers: Agatha Christie.  Partake in a live action game of Clue.  See if you can identify who the murderer was, with what weapon and in what room!  (How are these even questions?  Shouldn’t it be obvious!?)  Talk to the greatest mystery author of all time.  Play charades!  Enjoy hors d’ oeuvres and cocktails (like the Harvey Wallbanger).  Yes, The Unicorn and the Wasp gives us all this and much more.  (Beware, the local vicar has a slight lisp, so best not to bring Henry Gordon Jago with you in case he challenges the vicar to a game of “Alliteration” using S’s and Z’s.)

4) Since murder mystery weekends are such fun, one additional stop on the tour should be to see The Mummy on the Orient Express. Why tie yourselves down to one planet, when the future offers an Orient Express to the stars.  Modeled on Agatha Christie’s most popular story, who wouldn’t want to get involved in a murder-tour?  Once more, we can thrill to a proper Whodunnit while sleeping in an authentic recreation of the Orient Express.  And why stop in Egypt when the mysteries of the past can be kept on board with you?  Find out if that Mummy’s curse really belongs on board.  (Please note, the purchase of a stopwatch is a requirement before boarding the train!  Passengers may be asked to leave if they do not have a stopwatch or a hyper-acute awareness of time.)

3) Traken, seen in The Keeper of Traken, is truly a marvel (provided you get there before it was wiped out of existence by the Master’s boneheaded plan on Logopolis, never mind that…).  It features beautiful gardens, courteous nobles who are happy to guide you around, and feasts to put any cruise ship to shame.  Meet lovely biochemists of noble birth who may stalk you across the universe and travel everywhere with you.  Partake in delicious foods and spirits.  Dance at weddings where the music is so remarkable that it stays in your head for years!  (Allergy note: if allergic to death, avoid the statues in the garden, especially if they are tended to by maniac caretakers.)

2)  Want to make the wife happy?  Take her to Midnight.  Diamonds are a girl’s best friend, or so I’ve heard it said.  Well, this planet is made of them.  If you want to “put a ring on it”, there’s no better place to go than Midnight.  If she wants a ring that can power a lighthouse, this is the place to buy one!  Already married?  No problem: The Sapphire Falls are a beauty to behold. Buy her a necklace to make all the women back home jealous!  Make her the envy of next years’ garden party with the literary elite.  Give her something to throw overboard when riding on the Starship Titanic on next years holiday!  Hop on a Crusader Tour bus to see the sites.  Eat at the anti-gravity restaurant; food fights have never been so much fun.  Or just relax at the spa.  Winter Witch Canyon and the Multifaceted Coast tours are also available upon request.  After midnight on Midnight, one can also engage in a truly spectacular round of Simon Says.  (Important note: best play while everyone is strapped to a chair or you may find yourself being cast out of an airlock!)

1)  The number one tourist attraction in the Doctor Who universe is: Ancient Rome.  Featured in The Romans, the sheer range of things to do is staggering.  Enjoy the frequent bacchanalia!  Drink copious amounts of wine; drinking and driving is no issue!  Have servants feed you grapes while others fan you with giant palm fronds; it’s what they do!  Go into town and purchase the finest silks, then go back to your villa and have a servant make you a nice toga out of it!  Go see the sites before they were ancient, like the Colosseum!  See Spartacus before Charlton Heston made the movie!  Buy a tiger to be the proud owner of one of Rome’s most noble beasts!  And don’t forget: Italians invented pizza, so try it at the source.  I recommend the margarita, but I hear the sausage pie is to die for… literally.  And for the adult without scruples remember, this is a barbaric time!  You can purchase your new housekeeper, valet, or even a date, and no one will judge you.  Best not to take photos and bring them home, though; you may be judged poorly when back in polite society!  But then, having this much fun, who’s coming home??   (Important note: bring a MiFi device, as WiFi service is notoriously non-existent and with the new season of Doctor Who starting soon, you’re not going to want to miss that!)

Well, I hope this weekend has given you some ideas for what to do in the universe of Doctor Who.  There are several great places to visit, and I’ll try them all.  Just remember to budget accordingly, and remember to pack your toothbrush and your copy of the TARGET book, Travel Without the Tardis.  A must-have for all seasoned travelers.  Safe journeys!  ML