Next week is Halloween, so it’s time for things to get scary in the Junkyard! So what is the most creepy and troubling thing about Doctor Who? The horrifying choices of hats people wear, of course. The Doctor himself loves a hat, and we are all familiar with this, right from day one:
But the First Doctor liked to mix it up a bit. Some of his choices were relatively sensible:
…like this natty number. But sometimes his choices were a bit more “out there”.
Handy for dusting high shelves. When it comes to hats, of course, size matters.
Poor Steven is obviously upset that he doesn’t have a hat that is too tall to fit on the television screen. The Second Doctor also loved a big hat:
The taller the better…
… in fact, his catchphrase in his first few stories was “I would like a hat like that”. The audience wouldn’t always agree:
… and eventually he learnt to go with the understated look:
Zoe is clearly horrified by his lack of taste there, and eventually she showed him how it’s done:
She still doesn’t look convinced. You see, wearing a hat is not just about the choice of headwear. It’s how you wear it. The Doctor can barely see under that hat, and Zoe is ably demonstrating the “rakish angle”. Others managed that well too:
That’s how it should be done.
… or like that.
No. Not that.
… but stuck to the back of your head doesn’t qualify as a “rakish angle”. Look, Turlough will show you how it’s done:
Or maybe not.
That’s more like it. That, ladies and gentleman, is how you combine “rakish angle” and fruit, as only Missy can, although Romana has a good try:
But misses out the rakish angle, and goes heavy on the fruit. There’s almost more fruit than head there. That’s a common mistake. Hats should not make a head look small. This is fine:
Tasteful, rakishly angled, a hint of military. This is too big:
and this is just silly:
and so is this:
But if you must have a big hat, you might as well find one that’s handy:
This one can double up as a swimming hat:
This one gives you a spare hat in case you lose one:
and this one you could just pretend is your own luscious hair:
Ever looked for a rubbish bin and couldn’t find one? Why not just wear your own:
… or a lampshade and curtains:
… or an axe:
… or a toothpick:
… or a flower-pot:
Want to hide in the crowd? Lose yourself amongst a sea of faces? Doctor Who has the answer:
But it is more important for hats to be practical (or practicable, as the Second Doctor would say). You don’t really want to be steaming up your hat because it makes your head too hot:
It’s better to ventilate:
A hat can also cover part of the face, if appropriate:
… but not too much:
Take care that your hat matches your outfit:
It is also important to wear something appropriate for the weather:
Here’s Nardole’s homage to Troughton:
… with added bobble. And here’s how to really do an homage to a Doctor:
and even better still:
Sometimes a hat should be a reflection of the mood we are in. Festive, maybe:
or Very Festive:
… or just simply insane.
Those are the really scary hats in Doctor Who: the ones that hint at an unhinged personality. Like this:
… or this dubious double act:
Now that really is scary. But we must remember one thing, above all else, when it comes to Doctor Who and hats. Fezzes are cool:
Happy Halloween. Don’t have nightmares.