Hands down, one of the most frustrating games I’ve ever played was one of the Prince of Persia installments and it was down to one battle with a chariot that had me so enraged, I punched a wall! The funny part was after I played it, my son played it and his computer was in another room so when I heard him screaming with rage, I knew what was going on! I haven’t been that enraged by a game in a long time. Largely this is due to the fact that I don’t play games that make me think my heart will implode and I’ll be dead in real life before my character. However, Epic Games had a free giveaway of a game I had been looking at for some time because it looked a bit Lovecraftian and I love those weird creatures. Let’s just say I’m glad the game was free, or I’d be asking for my money back. No, actually, I’d be demanding it!
The really crazy bit is that when Remnant: From the Ashes is good, it’s incredibly enjoyable. As in, I can’t get enough of it. The outdoor, non-boss battles are outstanding! When it’s annoying, it’s a bit like WordPress: the game developers are basically high school kids going into the grade school, pulling the younger kids pants over their heads while simultaneously giving them a wedgie and posting in on the school wall for all to see. I have a good mouse and have never had an issue where it doesn’t register a mouse click but how infuriating when you have to right click to use a gun but the right mouse doesn’t always register, so you’re shooting at a boss but it thinks you’re taking swings with your melee weapon!?! All the while, every second counts! To compound matters, captain Poke, of the Slow clan, has a device he uses to heal himself but unlike every game ever this guy doesn’t consider it a priority. He pulls the device off his back, casually… maybe a cup of tea while pulling it out… mmm, is that a star I see on the horizon… Oh, then he places it to his chest and slow-heals. Think he moves any faster with a potion? Screw, no! This dude can move like Jean Claude Van Damn It, but get him to try to keep himself alive and he’s Bob Ross painting nice little trees for the root creatures to have babies with.
It really all goes pear shaped during boss battles. There are some that are fun but the overall message is you’ll be cursing the pope simply because he’s God’s representative on earth and God allowed the game developer to live long enough to make this game! But when the game is good, I’m willing to explore every nook and cranny, like Dora the Explorer. I want to find every secret, fight everything and just wander the strange world. And the leveling system is quite a thing too, uncovering new abilities as the game progresses. It’s actually hard not to get into the game, but punishing is a mild way to describe the boss battles. And for those of you who’ve kept up with this blog, you know I don’t actually like boss battles. On a good day, they are designed to keep heart medication at the ready. A game like this, and you know enough to launch the game with defib connected in advance.
As if that’s not enough, there’s no easily understandable walkthrough for the game, because you can do things basically any which way, it seems. Part of me just wants to know how close I am to the end too, because much more of this and I’ll need bail money after hunting down the developers one by one. The courts will undoubtedly reach an innocent verdict for me once they play this game. (Assuming they don’t kill me for making them try it!) It seems a lot of this game can be done in any order, but that means I’m probably punching above my weight with some of these battles. Here’s where I am at the time of writing: I just used task manager to kill the game, so angry was I with the Totem Father. Let’s call him King Baboon, who is leaping from pillar to pillar. He can cast a bunch of spells at you not the least of which is “hit you anywhere you are on the board and do damage even if you’re in a spot even God can’t see” – pretty sure that’s the name of the spell. He has an unending amount of punk-minions who keep shooting you and he can post totems that either keep summoning punk minions or have lightning follow you all over the board, explode and rip your spleen from your body. To make matters worse, my one gun does great damage, but has to be reloaded with every shot and my shotgun gets 7 shots before needing to be reloaded. But with attacks coming from every angle, Bob Ross The Fighter, doesn’t have time to paint a little friendly seahorse on his healing tool while he’s fighting. He needs to actually want to stay alive. He’s like that friend you have who does everything in life wrong that you feel for, but know he’ll never change as he keeps making the same mistakes again like James Blunt. I mean, I’ve maxed out points to health and agility and have more than 1/2 my critical hit points maxed and a number of add-ons to my various weapons. I should be Godzilla laying waste to Tokyo, but instead, I’m Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, or Tom Cruise in Edge of Tomorrow, repeating the same battle 764 times without bringing the Baboon King down to even his final quarter of health.
I can’t recall ever being this annoyed by a game that I am otherwise enjoying so much. It’s like using WordPress! I love writing for a blog, but hate the new editor that is actually preventing me posting a picture or formatting the font to a manageable style. Between the two things, I’m developing a complex. Maybe I’m becoming bipolar just because of this game and WordPress’s new halfwit-editor. I’m going to go back to it now and see if 765 does it. If nothing more, Andy McDowell or Emily Blunt may fall in love with me, but I wouldn’t count on it. If either show up at the end of this game, I’ll update my review, assuming WordPress allows it. In the meantime, don’t hold your breath that I’ll be here next week. This game might be the end of me!
Check out the trailer. It does intrigue, no two ways about that! ML