The weather has played a cruel trick on Columbo. The one time he isn’t wearing his shabby raincoat, because he’s dressed up smartly for his wife’s funeral, it’s pouring with rain. Not a happy day for Columbo. What a shame. I quite liked Kate Mulgrew, too.

The Motive

Vivian Dimitri’s husband has died in prison, and she wants revenge on the two people who put him there: her boss Charlie Chambers, who betrayed him, and Columbo, who cracked the case that led to his conviction.

The Murder

Another simple gunshot execution, but the alibi is clever. Vivian takes Charlie’s wallet, goes off for a dinner date, slips away from the date to withdraw some cash with Charlie’s bank card, and returns to her date. During the night she returns to the scene of the crime and puts the wallet back. Sneaky!

The Mistakes

Columbo recognises Vivian, which is of course beyond her control. Other than that, the only clue that matters is a wad of cash found in the possession of Charlie, who had just had a big gambling win, so why would he have gone out to withdraw $200 in cash when he already had $1400 burning a hole in his pocket? This probably comes closest to the perfect crime of any Columbo murder, because that’s really the only significant mistake, and it’s one that’s highly coincidental and a lucky break for the Lieutenant. It also has very little impact on the outcome of the case. That’s because the murder is of secondary importance to the plot in this topsy-turvy adventure, told largely in flashback. Instead, it’s all about…

The Attempted Second and Third Murders

Vivian befriends Columbo, fails to score herself an invitation to his home, and improvises a Plan B instead. She gives Columbo a jar of poisoned lemon marmalade (presumably the same stuff we Brits call lemon curd) to take home for his wife, thinks she has succeeded in poisoning her, and then watches after the funeral as Columbo has a taste of the same poison himself. While he acts all woozy, she can’t resist the opportunity to spill the beans about her fiendish plans. Unbeknownst to Vivian, but by now obvious to any viewer who is paying attention, Columbo’s wife isn’t dead, he isn’t poisoned either, and it’s all a ruse to get a confession out of her.

Columbo

“Why is it that we never appreciate our loved ones until it’s too late?”

We can’t really take anything we learn about Columbo’s life here at face value. He says, “we never had children, I’m sorry to say,” but that could easily be a lie, to keep Vivian’s attention focussed on the one person she thinks is important in Columbo’s life and avoid putting anyone else in danger. If Mrs Columbo is to be believed, it’s a half-truth. Columbo may well not have had children with his current wife, but he certainly has a daughter to be proud of. Hark, is that the sound of gnashing teeth from the Columbo purists? If you’re looking for some kind of proof to de-canonise Mrs Columbo, you won’t find it here.

Just One More Thing

If you were in any doubt about Vivian being mentally unhinged, the moment she dips a finger in a jar of lemon marmalade should dispel any doubts. Nobody sane eats preserves direct from the jar.

The Verdict

It’s actually Vivian’s mental state that makes this one so very different to most Columbo episodes. She’s far from being a powerful, rich individual trying to hold onto her money and reputation by killing somebody who threatens all that. Instead, she’s just looking for revenge, and that makes her even more dangerous. Surprisingly, then, her crime is a masterpiece, and would have been almost insoluble but for the coincidence of the gambling win earlier in the day. The second attempted murder is sloppier, but that’s the usual pattern for a Columbo episode with more than one victim in the killer’s sights.

There are problems with this one. The padding is reaching ridiculous levels now, with endless scenes of Vivian wallowing in her own misery, and the internal monologues and wobbly picture as we move into flashbacks are very much of their time. There is also little attempt to maintain the pretence that Columbo’s wife is really dead, considering we are made aware of every detail of his thought processes via his conversations with his sergeant and with Vivian’s shrink. It’s better when there is room for surprise for the viewers, in terms of the workings of Columbo’s mind. In some of the best episodes, that can lead to a tables-turned moment, or even the reversal of dramatic irony. Instead, we’re just waiting for the gotcha that we know has to happen eventually, with a thoroughly deceived killer confessing to the man she thinks has fallen into her trap. Instead, she’s the one who is deceived and trapped. Despite the lack of surprise in that moment, it’s still satisfying to see Columbo’s enemy defeated, and there’s room for a tinge of sympathy for a woman who has been compromised mentally by her grief.

By the way, didn’t anyone think to make the killer the widow of an actual Columbo murderer we had seen before? That would have been a lovely little treat for the fans. As for the identity of the real Mrs Columbo, the status quo was never going to change. We were never going to know, and if we ever did then the fans would just go on pretending it had never happened. If Mrs Columbo had really shown up in this episode, it would have been de-canonised as an episode that “doesn’t count”, faster than you can say “lemon marmalade”.   RP

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