Let’s talk about things that really get under the skin, shall we?  Things like… splinters, airline flights with someone kicking your chair over and over, and writers who have one track minds.  Jon Kubichan is back after last week’s lame story and he’s got a new idea: “The Marshall’s are really a problem for us, so what, Oh Wise Guy Skull, can we do about them?”  “Here’s an idea I’ve never had before…There is a pylon that controls the sun…”

The italicized part is a true quote, but do you remember the last episode?  The one where the Library of Skulls came up with the really great idea to create eternal night… yeah, that’s the same idea again, but this is a little more convoluted.  Rather than drop the sun, the pylon creates solar flares to burn up everything and cook the seas so even the fish are dried out carcasses.  How this is good for the Sleestak is anyone’s guess.  But for that matter, what is it with season 3 Sleestak anyway?  What have the Marshall’s done to them except for respond to their attacks?  Other than that, Jack and family just hang out with Cha-Ka and twiddle their thumbs.  Not really a massive problem for the nocturnal Sleestak.  But I guess the writers of season 3 hadn’t seen the show before nor had a clue what they were writing about, so yeah… let’s keep this drivel up.

Jack goes out for water while everyone else stay in the temple.  Why Will doesn’t think to check the pylons is just further proof that the writers of season 3 knew nothing of what came before.  But Jack goes out with the animal bladders they use for transporting liquid, and fills up on some particularly sandy water that wouldn’t be safe to drink for a turtle.  No worries, because on the way back, he meets William Blandings.  If the name doesn’t give a hint, this show has become very bland indeed.  Blandings is Mary Poppins in the Land of the Lost universe, complete with bag of tricks like an umbrella with air conditioning and instant chocolate malts.  He also has some obnoxiously dopey music to accompany him.  

I wondered if the writer was going to surprise us by making us wonder in the end: was Bland and Tedious really there at all?  Was it all imagined by Jack?  I mean, when he has to be saved from the Sleestak pit, Will somehow pulls him up and believe me, there’s no way Will was strong enough to do that the way he did.  

There’s a hint of an idea here that was worth exploring because Borings says to the family that he will speak truthfully about anything asked “as far as… permitted”.  Holly asks who he reports to, but he doesn’t say.  Now, sure, sardonically, I want to say the writers, but last season we did get an introduction to the Builder, so I can sort of see a mystery here, but then he couldn’t be portrayed the way he was if you wanted to keep the mystery alive.  This comes off as a very cheap Mary Poppins homage – and Mary would not be happy.  

I don’t find a lot of comedy in these episodes, but I was reminded of a classic W.C. Fields movie, Never Give a Sucker an Even Break.  I’m not kidding, it’s hilarious, but that is the title.  Anyhow, Fields is trying to get rid of a potential rival for the hand of the wealthy Mrs. Hemoglobin.  He takes the rivel to the side of a cliff to show off their “hanging swimming pool”.  He then kicks the guy in the bottom and over the side he goes.  He comes back to Mrs. Hemoglobin and says, “Poor chap had a mishap… fell off the parapet!”  To this day, I both love that line and use it wherever I can effectively sneak it in.  When Jack and Drab walk into the cave, they zap the Sleestak with a forcefield, causing one of the Sleestak to fall into their god-pit.  Drab says, “Poor chap!”  No hanging swimming pool, sadly, but I had to chuckle.  That Sleestak was a putz!  

So yeah, that’s about it.  Four episodes in and we’ve yet to take off.  Episode one showed us moving down the runway with some speed, but just at the moment we thought we would lift off, we ended up without a pilot.  I see why this series wasn’t renewed and I see why I bailed years ago.  Season 2 made the mistake of ignoring the ending of season one to some extent, but was otherwise a good season.  This is just like the guest character: bland.  ML