At last, an episode of Columbo that follows the usual format: we are shown the motive and then the murder, and then Columbo shows up and starts pestering the murderer, figuring out little clues that all add up to a bigger picture. Columbo actually sums up the way this show should always work, in a nutshell, when he says, “these little things, ashes, tiny mice, they lead you to the big things.” It seems like it has been forever since we had such a textbook approach to a Columbo episode. There’s just one problem. If you ever assumed Columbo has strong moral principles, this is the moment he throws them all away.

The Motive

Graham McVeigh is a wealthy horse breeder, but he has a problem. His brother Teddy is an idiot who owes a dangerous man with local mafia connections $200,000 in gambling debts. Graham has had enough.

The Murder(s)

Graham tricks his brother into trying to clear his debts by giving his debtor, restaurateur Bruno Romano, a dead cert tip on a horse. Graham then dopes the horse to make sure Teddy is now in a world of trouble. He then tricks Teddy into a roadside meeting, where he shoots him, and frames Romano for the murder.

The really clever bit is the second murder. Graham offers to settle Teddy’s debts, kills Romano when he arrives at his home, plants the murder weapon that he used to kill Teddy on Romano, and then phones the police. It looks for all the world like Romano killed Teddy, tried to kill Graham, and then Graham shot dead the murderous intruder in self-defence.

The Mistakes

Lots of clumsy little ones that add up only to circumstantial evidence. Graham smoked in Teddy’s car, removed the butts but left the ash, which is matched to Graham’s brand of cigarettes. Graham attempted to throw extra suspicion on Romano by releasing a mouse in his restaurant to distract him while he made a call from there to Teddy, establishing a link between the two. There are all kinds of problems with this. When he was in the restaurant, Graham was in disguise, but he let somebody see his lighter and he foolishly ordered his usual drink. Columbo eventually scrabbles around in the dumpster to find the dead mouse (ewww… and he even touches his face contemplatively with the same hand he just used to touch the tail), but the mouse is native to the mountainous region of Graham’s ranch and isn’t found in LA. Romano also had a cast iron alibi for the time of the murder of Teddy. But the mistake that is his downfall and also his saving grace is hiding Romano’s real gun in the earth under a small ornamental fountain in his own garden.

Columbo

I mentioned last week how weird it was to see Columbo getting beaten up, and it seemed so wrong for the show, but here we are again in the very next episode, with Columbo being violently treated, bundled into a car and kidnapped by the mob, and later attacked by a couple of henchmen… or so it seems.

Just One More Thing

Columbo’s ruses to gain evidence are becoming more and more transparent, to the point where the writers are having to make the killer an absolute fool. “Could I bum a cigarette”, indeed. But this whole episode relies on Graham doing lots of silly things, without which he would have actually had something close to the perfect crime.

The Verdict

Let’s start by acknowledging that this is the best episode in a long time, whatever you think about Columbo’s dodgy tactics. It’s gripping to watch, there are some great acting performances, it follows the classic Columbo format, and if you leave aside the silly mistakes then it’s actually a really clever crime, particularly the way the second murder frames the red herring suspect. But Columbo’s tactics are really dodgy. This is an example of an episode that has a trap being sprung on the murderer rather than a gotcha moment that relies on the revelation of some evidence. They are always going to be the less satisfying option, but there have been some effective ones, although they almost always rely on Columbo acting in a way that is not necessarily strictly ethical: planting evidence, risking somebody’s life, manipulating people, creating false evidence, entrapment; these are all familiar tactics, most of which we have seen him employ on more than one occasion. But this is a giant leap further into the moral abyss, with Columbo working with a mafia boss who makes it perfectly clear that he will kill Graham if Columbo doesn’t co-operate. Worst still, when the ruse is revealed to the viewers, Columbo seems proud of himself rather than regretful. His refusal to share a drink with his co-conspirator at the end goes some way towards ameliorating the problem, but this is still a man who is willing to get a confession by having the killer beaten up by undercover police officers, and then threatened with execution at the hands of the mob. It’s not even great writing, because the confession isn’t enough and Columbo needs the murderer to provide evidence, with said evidence given in the form of the gun under the fountain, but (a) Graham had no reason to implicate himself like that in the first place – why not just dispose of the gun somewhere it couldn’t easily be found, and (b) the only reason for him to act so irrationally is so the writer can provide him with the means to reveal that evidence and save his life.

The way it’s written and acted, we are clearly supposed to be delighted with the cleverness of Columbo working with Vincenzo Fortelli, and root for the two of them. We are basically invited to enjoy the sight of a double murderer getting his comeuppance by being terrified to the point of confession, but the sight of Columbo working so closely with a mafia boss is as hard to stomach as the bad clams that made him unwell at the start of the episode. The mafia are shown to be more powerful than the police, beyond the reach of the law, and Columbo seems quite accepting of that status quo. When Fortelli tells him about the crimes in his past, does Columbo show any interest in bringing that killer to justice? Of course not. And that’s depressing, because Columbo has always been somebody who beats those kinds of dangerous odds and lets nothing get in the way of his pursuit of justice. He has faced off against hugely powerful enemies who threatened his career and his life, but this particular brand of monster is instead accepted and almost celebrated. He gets the job done, but do the ends justify the means? This was the moment that Columbo came face to face with organised crime, gave it the thumbs up, and walked away.   RP

Read next in the Junkyard… Columbo: A Trace of Murder